Episode 11: Is AI Your Friend?

Brian Milner (00:24) Welcome back in everyone. Welcome. this is the People Over Prompts podcast where we talk about the future of teamwork in the age of AI. I'm your host here, as always, Brian Milner. And today I wanted to draw your attention to something that came across my desk. I will admit this is came across my desk for personal reasons in that I have a child of mine that attends this university. but Elon University along with an an a a group within the university called Imagining the the Digital Future Center, they produced a report that was from a study that they did, a survey, where they use Ugov to to kind of separate people out and and conduct a scientific s scientific survey about what What they call the rise of of AI companions. That's what it's called. It's a national public opinion survey that they put out in September of twenty twenty-six. And I just found it to be fascinating. I thought you would find some of the the insights from this to be fascinating because I I think it has a lot to say about maybe not so much where where we are with work in AI today. But I think the fact that this is just asking people in general their feelings about AI and maybe some of their more their more personal use of it, I think will have a trickle-down effect into how we we deal with AI within our work environments as well. so I I'll make sure that the the study is linked in our show notes on our website. you can always find those at agilityevolve.com slash podcast. And so I just want to open this up with a couple of stats here that that they found as top-level findings. 39% of their respondents say that AI Quote, understands them better than most people, unquote. Think about that. 39% of people say that AI understands them better than most people. And the the other one that followed up with that one was 31% consider their AI as a friend. So I've titled this episode: Is AI Your Friend? Because I I wanted to kind of explore that topic, that that idea. we've talked about in this podcast a lot, the the humanization of AI and and trying to you know infuse it with these human qualities. And I I think that this is kind of the direct result of that. This is where that leads is when people when people think of it more as a human, then yes, it it starts to appear more and more like a friend. But I but I think it actually goes deeper than that as well. now these are smaller numbers, but I think they're telling. Nineteen percent of people in their survey say that they've given their AI a name. So they respond to their AI with a name. Right? It's not ChatGPT or it's we're not talking about people saying Claude Right, because that's the kind of AI platform, but that they've given it its own name. Right? They call it Bob or whatever, Hal, right? Jarvis. they give it a name and s and treat it as a person. Sixteen percent assign it a gender. Fifty-five this is th I found this interesting. Of that sixteen percent, fifty-five percent assigned a female gender, and thirty nine percent assigned in a male gender. Now that right there is probably an entire episode we c we could do that would get into gender studies, I'm sure. I I am not knowledgeable and gifted enough in that area to to dive that deeply into it. But I did find that interesting. Maybe you would find that interesting as well. That we seem to to more often than not give our AIs a female persona rather than a male persona. and and I I kind of I I I wanted to set this up a little bit because if we're saying that AI is our friend And that it understands us better than most people, and we're giving it a name. Fifty nine percent of the people in this survey said that it gives them the support they need. So there's a quote here from Sherry Turkle, who's from MIT, that I found interesting. Technology is seductive when what it offers meets our human vulnerabilities. And I think that's some of what's going on here. Because There's a paradox that I found in this as I was going through the the top line results of this. Of course, these these things I just quoted to you were a little shocking to me. I I I was amazed it was that high that that many people just just that you know, thirty-one percent consider AI a friend. in fact twenty-four percent said they would miss it a lot if they were somehow cut off. So A quarter of people who use AI say they would miss it if it was it w if it was gone. Like they would miss a person. like they would mourn someone not being there. but but here's the interesting thing that I found the correlation here, the paradox. That's that the same set of people that were surveyed, right? Understand it's the same universe of people. This isn't separate groups of people being asked these questions. It's the same universe of people being asked these questions. Those people who are saying AI is a friend, those people who are saying that AI gives them the support they need and that it understands them better than most people. When they were asked about what are some potential downsides or negatives of of AI in the future. What you know, kinda what comes next? How will AI change Society in the future. You know, there were some good things. People thought it was going to lead to more innovation, advancements in health care, and research and healthcare, right? There were some really good things in that that area, which I I think we all will would probably help, hope would be the case, right? But fifty-seven percent said that they felt that it would lead to more social isolation and loneliness. So that that's that's the the paradox to me. The same set of people who are saying, Yeah, AI's my friend. AI is something I would mourn if it was gone. AI understands me better than other humans understand me. At the same time though, they're saying, you know what, this is probably not good. This is probably gonna lead to more social isolation, more loneliness. Right? So they they recognize it's almost like a drug, right? It's almost like a drug effect. In that I know this isn't good for me, but I'm gonna keep doing it. And I I that's the thing that I find kind of interesting. you know, I I'll go back to Sherry Turkle. She had this kind of quote that that goes along with this. As we expect more from technology. Do we expect less from each other? And I think that is something that we're having to wrestle with now. because these people also said that that they sometimes chat with AI 38% said just sometimes chat with AI just to feel less alone. 36% feel emotionally connected to at least one AI tool. Makes sense if they're consider it a friend, it makes sense that they could say they give it a name. Makes sense if they think they would mourn it if it was gone. Right? But on the other hand, they they can see into the future and say, yeah, this is not leading down a good road. forty-seven percent said that more th they thought it would lead to more mental health problems. Well, yeah. given those stats, given what we're talking about. I would agree with that. So if if this paradox is true, right, what happens when this comes to kind of our workplace environment and how how does it affect us in our as our teams? well, some other interesting stats from this that I that I thought was kind of jumped out and and really kind of made us face and deal with How is this going to impact human relationships? 53% in this survey say they turn to AI for advice about difficult situations with other people. So if they're having a problem with another human, they'll go to AI to get advice about how to solve that problem. 26% have used AI to discuss problems. Here it is, in work relationships. Now, why the disparity? 53% talk about difficult situations with other people. 26% discuss problems in work relationships. I I think that's just a lag. I mean, I don't have any scientific data to back that up, but I would say that's a lag. We do things when new technologies come around, we kind of use them more in our personal life initially, and then they bleed into our work lives. or at least I think that's what's going on here. So I I think that that twenty-six percent discussing problems in work relationships would actually go up over time. I think it'll get closer to that fifty-three percent, that's just more in general. and th th there's there's more evidence in this survey where they people say that they feel they find it easier to be open and honest with AI, that they feel comfortable sharing their true feelings, their true thoughts with AI. And that that kind of led me to think about a couple things in in this that I think is important for us to benchmark and kind of hold up here as we think about how AI is integrating in our workplaces and integrating into our teams. Because it is about the human relationships when you start talking about teams. AIs aren't going to disagree with each other and have personality conflicts. At least not today. Right? But humans would. And to me, what I think it's highlighting is three things that are are things we already knew, but AI is kind of amplifying this. Because I think people are turning to AI because they have a need to be heard. They want to be heard. And they feel like AI is giving them that. I can talk to an AI all day, I can chat with an AI all day. It's never going to get tired of talking to me. It's never going to say, I've got a meeting I've got to go to. It's never going to say, gosh, are you on about that again? So it's an endlessly patient receptacle for us that we can go to and say, gosh, great, I can spill my guts to this. And it's not gonna judge. Right? It's not going to provide judgment and say, Well, you were in the wrong in that situation. well, that was a stupid move. So people feel like they can be heard. I think that they also Have a need to feel understood that they're seeking to accomplish here with AI. It's not just that I'm able to say what I need to say. Otherwise, I could just use a, you know, stuffed animal. And I could just talk to a stuffed animal. But the interactive nature of it makes me feel like I'm understood. Like I'm not crazy. Right? This situation that happened, this terrible thing that that kind of that happened in our in my work environment. Yeah, that that was a terrible thing. But it's I didn't react in a crazy way. I reacted in a normal way. At least that's what my AI is telling me. Right? So I feel like there's a need to feel understood. And then the other thing is, I think we have a need to feel safe. I think that's partly what is being called out here. Is people are turning to AI because of that lack of judgment. Right? They they they have an endlessly willing listener. And By the way, that listener doesn't need to have you reciprocate. Right? The AI doesn't need you to listen to it. And I think for a lot of people, that's a big component of it as well is gosh, I just want to talk about me. Can't you just listen to me? Okay, well, yeah, AI will do that for you. Right? It won't get into the messiness of an actual relationship. So it's it's very ego inflating in that way, in that, yeah, you can talk all the time. You don't ever have to worry about my needs as an AI. Right? I'm just here to to be here for you. But the these things, the need to be heard, to be understood, and to feel safe, I think really drive at this this concept we've talked about for a long time, psychological safety. And I I I think it's indicative. of the lack of psychological safety that drives that, that drives those needs to be filled in other ways. Right? If I can't find that psychological safety in my coworkers or in my workplace environment. I'm gonna look for it somewhere else. Well, there's AI over here. And AI it's completely safe for me to talk to. It's not gonna go tell anyone else behind my back. AI is gonna understand me entirely. It's gonna just listen to me over and over again. It's gonna tell me how brilliant my ideas are, right? To to a detrimental extent. So I think it's the kind of thing where it's filling. that void and it it's kind of like that that first quote, right? Technology is seductive when what it offers meets our human vulnerabilities. Well, our human team vulnerability is the need for psychological safety. And when it doesn't find it, it's gonna find it somewhere else. Amy Edmondson, one of the chief people that you'll always find when you talk about psychological safety, had this quote psych psychological safety is a climate In which one feels one can be candid. And if I don't, that's that's her quote. If I don't feel that, this is me talking now, then I think that's where AI enters the picture. Is hey, I've got an alternative for you. It's a shiny little thing over here. And it doesn't have any of the messiness that you would have with a real human relationship. I I think at the core, what what we're talking about here is that. That AI is an amplifier. AI is going to amplify what's there. And I think sometimes we we have this misconception of it being the problem solver. AI is not the problem solver. AI can make things more transparent, AI can augment and and highlight things that are already going on. But I don't think it's going to solve those kind of team problems for you. So for example. Let's say you have a strong team. Right? You already have a strong team and you add AI. Well, potentially that could lead to better reflection, preparation, better learning, better communication between the team. But that's because the team was strong already. If you have an isolated team and you add AI to that mix, I think potentially you're looking at more isolation. Because it's not safe for me to speak to my team, so I'll go talk to AI. It just gives that pressure valve release that now I can go talk to something else, and that's going to take the place of that human interaction. This is the same thing for if you have conflict avoidant teams or low trust teams, right? I think it's gonna have the same thing. It's going to enhance the ability of a team to avoid conflict. It's gonna enhance the team's you know, private sense making I I don't think it's going to improve those situations. I think it's going to exacerbate that those situations. so I I don't think it it's actually there to fix our teams. I think it may make your team more of what it already is. And I think that's an important thing to be self-aware of. Right? What is my team currently? the the study had some things to back this up. 71% say AI gives them good advice. 55% say AI validates their feelings. 35% also say AI sometimes agrees with them too much, which is the big problem, right? the people outside those thirty-five percent are kidding themselves because AI does agree with you too much. I think we probably all have experienced that. So I think for us what's important is to to not try to outsource the hard conversations. Don't try to take those hard conversations and offload them to AI. Hey, I'm just gonna go have that hard conversation with them, with an AI, then the real person. I I'm a big fan of what I call flight simulators, using AI to help you rehearse the hard conversation. Right? Practice it. Put you in that scenario, put you in that situation. And prepare. Rehearse for it. Let it help you organize your thoughts so you're better prepared for those hard conversations. make it help you test your assumptions that you're making going into it. Ask it to help you find the assumptions that you're making. And and ask it to help you consider the other person's point of view if you need to have one of those hard conversations. You can rehearse and do all these things, but the point is you still need to walk into the room. You still need to have that hard conversation. Right? the AI doesn't replace it. I mean the the study says fifty-three percent already use AI for advice on handling difficult situations with people. We mentioned that one earlier. So there's a difference between getting advice, helping me organize, helping me rehearse, and saying, Well, now I'm good. Right? I've had this conversation with the AI. I feel like I've resolved it because the AI understood my point and agreed with me. Now you still have a problem with that human. So here here's kind of a question that I wanted to ask in this episode as well is are we removing the friction, the the actual friction that that helps bind our teams together and create actual teams? Because if we are offloading all of that stuff, that's the bonding. That's how we actually identify with each other and grow in our personal relationships, is having to overcome some of those hurdles. Right, if you have a a relationship with someone that's smooth and never, ever, ever has any hurdles or bumps or disagreements, it's a surface level relationship. The only re way you get to deeper levels of relationships is to go through conflict. Right? To to re reach those points where it's like, well, you know, hey, I've got this new roommate and they leave their dishes in the sink. That's not how I do things. Boy, isn't that interesting. Right? You have to overcome those things so that you can move to the next level. And I just wonder if AI is is sort of in some way removing some of that bonding friction that would take place. one of the study respondents actually had a quote about this, said giving to others is a very important element in real relationships. So if the AI doesn't ever have anything to say back to me, if I don't need to stop and listen to the AI, I'm not giving the AI anything. Right? I'm just using the AI. So if I'm not giving anything to this relationship, it can't be a real relationship. It can't be a friend. Because it's only one sided. I just think some of the friction we're trying to remove may be the friction that actually helps to build trust, build empathy, and and actually facilitate teamwork. Because we have to have those team building moments. Right? So what's a what's a leader's job in this? Because I think that's what it comes back around to is if we're in any way looking at our role as a leadership role, you know, it doesn't have to be a formal leadership role, but if you're even, you know, some kind of a team lead or you're just someone the team looks up to. how can we help the team navigate this kind of things? Well, I think it goes back to those three things. Being heard, being understood, and feeling safe. I think we have to really double down on Creating environments in our workplace and our teams. And and this is the this is the thing I try to tell teams all the time is don't get overwhelmed with the the fact that you can't change the entire organization. Start with where you're at. Start with your team. Because sometimes it's grandiose for us to kind of imagine the whole organization and think, yeah, but I really just want to change this whole big thing. Well, your sphere of influence right now is your team. So why don't you start in a practical way and create that environment on your team? Help others on your team feel more heard. Help others on your team feel more understood. Create an environment of psychological safety where everyone's opinion is welcomed, respected. Doesn't have to mean that everyone is everyone's idea is held up as the right idea. Right? I can have a bad idea in a psychologically safe environment. But I I can feel free to suggest bad ideas. And that's really the key to psychological safety. Because if I can't feel free to say a bad idea, you're never gonna hear a good idea from me. Because I have to vet everything thoroughly, and it only the things I'm certain are correct will come out. So Amy Edm Edmondson talks about this and says that that the psychologically safe environment, it doesn't just happen by default. It's not something that just you wake up one day and hey, guess what? it emerges with effort and with curiosity and care. It has to be cultivated. And I think that's where a leader's role really is important in today's world. That AI is changing the fundamental dynamic, not just of teams, but kind of our human interaction. And if that's true, it does affect our teams. So how can we lessen that impact? Well, Don't provide that black hole of space that your team's gonna go looking for in other ways. Right? People would rather be heard, understood, and rather feel safe with other humans. It's only because they don't that they turn to AI for it. Because it's easier. And to me, that's sad. That's a sad fact. And I I hope that's something that we can wake up to as really as humanity. That maybe it's maybe we just need to wake up and say it's time to treat people better. you know, if we were treating people more decently, they would feel free to be they would feel like they were heard and understood and and safe. But it's the fact that we haven't been doing that that's created this gap. And AI's not gonna fill that gap. It's just going to exacerbate it and it's going to turn into something that is eventually down the the road gonna become a significant significantly bigger problem, which gets us back into the loneliness epi episode that that we had earlier, right? So I I hope you found this interesting and like I said, I'm gonna put the links to this on our website that you can find the report and look through all the stats yourself and maybe even, you know, kind of pick apart the the methodology if you want and and and all that stuff because I I I believe me, I I encourage you to be skeptical. a lot of this kind of information is sensationalistic and you you kinda look at it and say, Well, yeah, but what's the source of that? So that's why I try to put the links to things on the website so that you can find that. Just a couple of little requests for you as we wrap this episode up. One is if you like this episode, if you found this to be interesting, if you found anything in this to be valuable, then do the the normal social media things. Like and subscribe to this on whatever platform you're consuming this on. we put this out as a podcast, we put this out on YouTube. So you could watch, you could listen, it's whatever kind of floats your boat and whatever works for you. But like and subscribe on that, that'll really help us get found by others. And we don't do any advertising, you don't hear any ads here in the show. That's why we depend on you. So if you like that, then that's what we would ask you to do is just like and subscribe to it. the other thing is tell a friend. especially if you have a coworker or someone like that that you find an episode that's like, hey, that's just what we were talking about at work and now I have some language behind it or I have some vocabulary I can use to to kind of really talk about this more intelligently, great. tell a friend and point them in our direction. that's another great way that we grow. The the last thing is I really cover your emails. If you want me to know anything about the topics, if you like or didn't like any episode we had, if you want Want to suggest episodes for the future, anything of that nature, then email me at Brian at agilityevolved.com. It's B-R-I-A-N, Brian. Brian at agilityevolved.com. That's my email address. That'll come straight to me. I'd love to hear just your feedback or your suggestions on anything that you want us to talk about or guests you want us to have in the future. I know we missed last week. We did that because of the holiday, and we try not to miss as many weeks as possible, but we're we're back to our weekly cadence. And I hope your week is going well. I hope this episode has been useful to you. We'll talk to you again on another episode of People Over Prompts Podcast.