Episode 9: The Loneliness Tax - Is AI Making Us More Lonely?

Brian Milner (00:24) Welcome back in everyone. Welcome. we are here for another episode of the People Over Prompts podcast. This is where we talk about the future of teamwork in the age of AI. We are here to explore all the aspects of what happens when AI becomes a team member. And I've got a topic today, a very personal kind of topic to talk to you guys about that I think is Really timely. I think this is something that I've I I I increasingly see stories about, hear anecdotal reports of, some tragic. And I I think it's it's really important to have this conversation. I said at the start that we wanted to kind of explore all the aspects Of of what might come from having AI as a team member. So I I titled this episode the Loneliness Tax because I I wanted to ask that important question is AI making us more lonely? And I I I think there's some important evidence to consider. And and to do that, I think we have to look at more than just AI. So I want you to follow my chain of logic here because there's multiple studies to quote, multiple kind of information sources here, but I have to kind of build it for you because it's important to understand it's not just a an AI issue. it's a social connection issue. And There's a I'll start with a a particular survey, it's from the the Barnes Family Foundation. they had a study that came out called Social Connection in America, and this is from December 2025. So not that long ago, not even a year ago. They surveyed 10,000 US adults for this survey. And again, this is an AI stat, but they found that forty-one percent of the group the 10,000 US adults. in their survey said that they found or that they felt lonely at least some times. Forty-one percent said they felt lonely at least sometimes. Thirty-nine percent of that group reported they had two or fewer close relations relationships. Two or fewer close relationships. Thirty-nine percent. Here's the one that really jumped out at me. More than half. They didn't give the exact number, but they said more than half checked that they attended no clubs or organizations. They attend no type of religious affiliated services or anything of that nature. They volunteered no time in any way. And never i got together with with neighbors for community projects or anything of that nature. So I I think it's important to set the stage of of what we're talking about here. Prior to AI and I I think maybe going back mm you know a decade or so I would I would kind of pin it. I think there's been the a growing social disconnection. And that's a very bad thing. I've seen reports before about how the need for human connection. is basically, you know, when you think about things like the like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, it it's on the base level. It's on the foundational level of needs for humans. on par with food and water. it's just something that that we must have. and we'll seek it out. We'll find ways to to kind of acquire it when we don't have it. And very bad things occur when we feel disconnected. so the the the the the stats I just quoted to you though, I think the the bigger kind of picture is that there has been a diminishing social connection that's been occurring in ways that traditionally we we have found it as humans. People aren't going to to kind of community groups, people aren't going to churches, people aren't going to volunteer anywhere. there used to be all these service organizations and clubs. You know, people used to be part of these these civic kind of organizations and they'd volunteer time and they'd have bridge nights or other things, right? They'd have all these kind of things where they would be Opportunities to meet up with other people and socialize. And those kind of things are seeing dwindling attendance. They're they're just not providing the social connection. So where are people getting social connection? Well, surprise, surprise, a lot of people are getting it at work. At least that's where they're looking to replace some of those social connections when they disconnect from. these other groups as they try to find and fill that social connection at work. there's a Gallup survey about this that directly ties that loneliness to to work because they they found in their survey twenty percent of people who were employed reported feeling lonely versus thirty-two percent of people who were unemployed. So much higher feelings of of loneliness For those who weren't employed. That means that the rest were getting it from work, right? So there's a connected nature to what we we get from work. It's not just a paycheck. we were actually filling some of those social needs from our jobs. Well, as is no surprise to anyone listening, a few years ago we had this thing called COVID. And when that came out, of course, we had some further isolation. We we took away a lot of that connection that we were getting from work because we're locked in our homes. Now, I I don't I don't wanna overemphasize this because gosh, that that that caused a a whole host of other problems, right? We could we could sit here and have a multiple episodes to talk about COVID and the effects on our psyche and and isolation and you know ways we tried to overcome that lack of social connection while we were trying to social distance. That's not what I'm talking about here, right? That is a contributor here because it it denied us the opportunity of that social connection we were getting at work. And now we're just connecting with people over a Zoom call. But that wasn't the end. Because then some of us started going back to the office felt a little bit of that social connection again by going back to the office. Not all of us, but some, or some did it kind of more part-time or half time. Then AI started to come onto the picture, come on the scene. And AI started to change the way we interact and talk with each other at work. there's a a source I found for this. it's Mo it's acronym. And another company called Census Wide did this survey. And they found that 65% of people in their survey. admitted to asking AI before they asked a colleague. So think about that. Sixty-five percent felt more comfortable going and asking an AI for help than asking a colleague. Fifty-two percent Just straight out said that collaborating with AI was easier. Right, it it was easier for it to for that person to to collaborate with an AI. 61% that's sorry, this one I found funny. Sixty-one percent say AI was more helpful than their manager. And I don't know if that's really a stat about AI or if that's a stat about managers. maybe maybe it's a little of both. you know, to to to quote one of my my favorite older movies, like a lot of things in life, we laugh because it's funny and we laugh because it's true. yeah, I mean I I I can definitely see that, right? If I'm already getting grief from a a manager, why would I why would I go ask for help? Or why would I say that they're helping me? Yeah, it's easier for me to go to AI that's which I can treat any way I want and you know, it's not really gonna judge me. It's gonna you know, help me in in whatever way I want. In fact, I can really control the language, the personality. And I can make its personality whatever I want it to be. and that's where it starts to become dangerous because now I I I can actually have it feed me and feed the particular you know defects in my personality in ways that a human wouldn't. so it actually starts to enhance those areas and you know magnify if you will those qualities for me. if I tend to be a little suspicious AI is gonna confirm my suspicions. Right. if I'm a conspiracy theory kind of person and I chat with an AI and I say, Well, don't you think though that this is yeah, I can really see your point. I see why that's the case. Might even apologize that it doubted it or s or presented you with contrary facts. Right? So i it it's it's not necessarily the best thing for a lot of different psychological conditions. In fact, there's there's kind of a whole host of psychological effects that I think we're we're just at the tip of the iceberg of trying to to understand or examine. there's there's kind of a a s one report I found from the Journal of Applied Psychology that was doing a literature review of multiple other studies and they found this these four studies That showed a connection, you know, causal connection here between frequent AI use and loneliness. That there was a direct cause and effect, four different studies. there's another one that I found that I really thought was interesting. It was the the report was called Social Cost of AI of an AI teammate. it was from the University of California, Irvine. And It said that adding an AI teammate reduced human to human responsiveness, belonging, status, and feelings of being valued. I mean, think about that. This isn't saying adding a whole suite of AI teammates. This is saying adding one, adding an AI teammate. Reduced human to human responsiveness response. belonging, status, and feelings of being valued. That's not a good thing. If if my coworkers are feeling unvalued, if an employee is feeling unvalued, how do you think they're going to react to that? Any kind of scenario when when someone feels unvalued at work, it's only negative responses from that. The most positive thing that they might do is leave. But other negative things they could take actions to try to harm the company sometimes because they feel undervalued. They feel like the company doesn't see what they have in this person. So there's there's lots of negatives that come from that. there was others that I found that I thought were really kind of interesting. There was a a Gallup survey from from just this year, early this year, 2026, that that's kind of has measured this this global daily employee loneliness over years and it ha it had risen over the past few years but right now it's at about twenty two percent. And understand this is global. So we're including lots of localities where AI is not being used very much at all. And, you know much stronger social connections in those those organizations. But or societies, but twenty-two percent is still a very high number globally. that same Gallup survey found that forty-five percent of workers eighteen to twenty-five felt lonely at work. And I think that is a very troubling sign because the older th the employees were, the less they they actually felt lonely. And this is something that was backed up in some other studies, even outside of work, that older people feel generally more connected, had more relationships. And and yes, partly you can attribute that I think to time on the planet, that I just have longer to make those relationships, but not entirely. I think that there is a definitive part of that that that comes from kind of a shift. that's that's taking place. And I I think that's really dangerous for the younger population in our workforce. Right? that eighteen to twenty five group. I mean, clearly we've we know that it's harder for them to find jobs. We just talked in the last episode about how the junior jobs are are, you know, drying up. There's less and less of those. Companies are trying to eliminate their junior employees. And, you know, we talked about how that's a dangerous thing. But even from the the people who do have jobs, right? This doesn't you can't respond to I feel lonely at work if I don't have a work I don't have a job. But forty five percent of eighteen to twenty five year olds felt lonely at work. Isolated right? Disconnected. So I I think the the the flag I'm trying to wave here or the bell I'm trying to ring, whatever you want to say, is that this very well may be the beginning of of a real crisis. And while there's a lot of data that's out there that kind of point to this possible conclusion, there's not Quite a one-to-one correlation we can directly make then to that. but I think there's growing evidence to raise alarm bells to say we were already struggling with loneliness at work, and people were already feeling more lonely in general, then we started to feel more lonely at work. And that was our last refuge. That was the last place we felt like we were actually making human contact. And when that happens, sometimes we we kind of accelerated ourselves because we we just kind of lean in to the fact that hey, it's just easier. It's messy with human relationships. I don't know what that person's gonna say to me. And they might say something offensive. Or they may say something I don't like about that TV show I love. so it's just easier for me to have the conversation with the AI. Or, as I said earlier, maybe it's because I I feel more judged by the human and that AI is never gonna judge me. I mean, I think that's a sad commentary. that that that might drive that kind of feeling, and and drive people a little bit more into further and further interaction with AI because they feel more supported, heard, respected, maybe in some cases even by AI. Like I say, I think there are psychological effects in this that we're only really touching the the very tip of the iceberg on. And very curious to see where the research and data go in the next few years in regards to this. But as I said, we can't we can't draw the one-to-one comparison. not not done though. There there was a Surgeon General's report that talked about the negative effects of this and why this is so bad. If we are seeing these increases in loneliness, why why that's something that should maybe cause some greater concern. the Surgeon General's report said that strong social connection. Actually increase the odds of survival by 50%. Fifty percent increase the odds of just living. poor social connections had a a counter experience. Twenty-nine percent increased risk in heart disease when someone had poor social connections. Twenty-nine percent increase in heart disease. risk of heart disease. Thirty two percent increased risk of stroke for those with with poor social connections. So there's there's harm that's occurring because of that psychological disconnection. Remember I said it's kind of on that base layer of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. We need it like we need food and water. So I mean, I know this is a tricky and difficult subject. We deal with data, we deal with technology, and talking about AI, it might feel a little c uncomfortable to talk about something like loneliness, but this is new to the human experience. And I think that's the thing I'm trying to underline and highlight for you is don't think that it's you know this it's not like a drug that's gone through clinical trials. Right? We haven't studied the effects of this over you know decades, generations. It's new to the human experience. We're seeing leading indicators that I think are very alarming. And we can wait for that data to absolutely prove this, or we can start to follow the trends now and say maybe we're on a bad track. And maybe there's something that we need to change about this. so I know this isn't the the normal kind of thing that I do in an episode, but I felt it was important to to have sort of a well, what then? especially if you're listening to this and you're kind of nodding along to some of the things I'm saying and thinking, yeah, I feel that way. yeah, I'm Maybe I'm in with that 18 to twenty-five group and I'm you know I'm forty-nine percent of the people forty-five percent of the people who are feeling disconnected at work. Maybe I'm finding it trouble to have social connections outside of work and it's starting to mount and and I feel this this building pressure of less and less social connection. And maybe you're feeling that kind of base layer of need that man yeah it sure would be nice to actually have a human conversation for once and and not you know have something tell me you're right I'm so sorry that I doubted you you know I was absolutely wrong you are right to call me out on that right maybe you just need to have a a conversation with the real person so I wanted to give some steps if you are hearing that and feeling Yeah, I might be part of that group that's feeling disconnected. Here's some some practical things you can do. One, encourage you to tell one person. Right? I don't care who. I don't care if it's someone in your home or someone at work or someone in a social circle. Tell someone. Just say, hey, you know what? I was thinking about this the other day and I've been using AI and I I really am starting to feel more disconnected. I'm feeling like I I would rather talk to the AI AI sometimes than I would to an actual human and so I'm talking to people less and I'm just starting to feel more disconnected. Tell one person, have a conversation with with a human about that. ask a colleague for help instead of asking AI. Deliberately make that choice in your work. Next time that there is something that you might run to AI to kind of type in and see what it says Think about who could I ask that question? Who who who is in my life that I could actually go and have a real conversation about it? I encourage you to join some kind of social group. I'm not specifying any kind. you know, there there's lots of different options out there. I'll tell you one of the things that I've I've been doing over the past few years that I find very helpful and I I you know it's part of my social connection is I'm I'm in a long running Dungeons and Dragons group. So shout out to the Nameless Archer Bards if they happen to listen to this. you know we we've have a long running D and D campaign and it's it's it's a strong source of connection. I really like those other players at my table and you know, it's fun to kind of roleplay and you know, have that that disconnected conversation. so find some kind of a social group like that, some hobby, something that you like, that you can maybe connect to other people that like the same thing. volunteer. Gosh, there's so many non-profits out there, and I can promise you nonprofits. don't ever want to turn away volunteers. they they need far more volunteers than than they get. So what's something you care about? even something like going to you know the SPCA and volunteering at the SPCA to to spend time with the animals that are there. No, those aren't humans, but you'll have to interact with the humans to get to the animals. and and you'll have conversations with them. But you'll also be unplugged from the AI while while you do it. I mean, y you may not be aware of that, but yeah, they actually like and and and encourage people to just come in to spend time with the animals because otherwise they're just in their crates. Something like that is a easy way to volunteer. No No long term commitment, right? There's lots of things like that that you can do. possibly if this is something that aligns with you, reconnect with some kind of a faith community. you know, that's obviously a tricky subject, but not not directing you you to any one in particular, but whatever aligns with your tradition and your beliefs, you know, that might be a another avenue for you to start to Just generate a little bit more human contact. And then the last one in this little section I found really interesting. There was a Washington Post article from January 2026 that talked about this feeling of disconnectedness and maybe even some feeling a little misled by AI and wanting to check reality. that was started called the human line. And you can join that Discord group that's purpose is to have human conversation. And it's it's there for people who you know it's just all people who had the same feeling. Like I'm talking to AI so much I I I need somewhere where I'm talking to actual humans. So again Low commitment, right? It's a Discord group. So look that up the human line. that's quoted in that Washington Post article. I also feel like I'd be remiss if I didn't say this. If if you feel like it's getting really bad and it's making you kind of despair, you if you feel any kind of feelings of self harm, I I beg of you talk to a therapist, talk to a professional. have that conversation. there's a couple of free things you can reach out to. the the the National Association of a Mental Illness has a hotline. It's 800-950-6264 that you can call. And if if you you really are thinking of self harm, there's a a simple 988 lifeline that you can call. and that's set up, you can call that number and and actually talk to someone if you're considering self-harm. I I I don't know if that would be anyone listening, but I certainly you know feel like I would miss an opportunity if someone was listening and you know felt lonely enough to be considering something like that. I I would hate that I did not mention possible avenues for that. I'm I'm certainly no professional as well, i in the area of psychology, but I I I would also say reach out to me. I I would say don't you know if you're considering immediate self harm, please use one of the other professional resources because I'm not trained in that. But if if you f feel like you wanna talk to someone and it's not an emergency, y you can email me. every episode here I give my actual email address, Brian, B R I A N at agilityevolved dot com. That's my my email address and you can send something straight to me. I you know, I I usually ask people to send me ideas for episodes and topics you you know, guests, anything that like that that you want or feedback about an episode. I I still request that. But I'll add into that, you know. Given the sensitivity of this week's episode, you know, I I as I said, I'm not I'm no professional in that area, but you know, I I'm happy to you know, to re to have a conversation with you if you feel like, boy, I I really just want to talk to someone. The other thing I'd say here i as I wrap up is just you know, I I know this is a little bit of an unusual episode, but I I do want to explore these these kinds of topics. because I do think this is an important area in regards to AI that's must be considered alongside all the other positive things. Now, I'm I'm not I didn't throw this episode out there to say AI is bad and we should avoid it at all costs. But I think we should have clear-eyed view of it, right? And and that's kind of the point. That's what we talk about here on this this podcast. So here's the deal. If you if you liked it, if this topic and these kinds of topics are things that that you might want to hear more about, then I'd ask you to follow us. Like, subscribe to us however you found this. Here, do that on that platform and that way when we launch new episodes, you'll get one. And you can make the decision there whether you you listen to that episode or not. but it also helps us. It helps us wear a new podcast and that helps us get found by others. So I greatly appreciate when people do that. I already asked you for you know, getting feedback from you, but I'll I'll make that pitch again. Send me feedback, Brian at agility evolve dot com. Just make sure that that Brian is with an eye. Not a why. I am a B R I A N Brian. and that's that's the only way that'll get to me. and I I I just say stick with us for the journey. I think we're going to cover other areas like this. They won't all be as as personal as this, but I think that there'll be a lot a lot that will will touch on these areas because that's part of our new reality. And I hope you'll stay along with me on this journey. So I appreciate you you joining in and we'll talk to you next week on another episode here of People Over Prompts Podcast. Have a great week, everyone.